Monday, April 25, 2011

Why I Would Make An Awesome Lion

I understand that I haven't blogged in what seems like forever and this blog post certainly has nothing to do with Russia, but I felt that this one in particular needed to be written. What can you do right?

Here's why I believe that I would make the most bitching of lions!

  1. Hair: I am an extremely hairy guy. Those of you that know me know that I have been shaving since I was far too young, my hair is often long and I am always wearing a vest...if you catch my drift. What this means is that if I were a lion, I'd be rocking a serious Mufasa-like mane.
  2. Laziness: I am notoriously lazy and male lions don't do jack. They make female lions do the brunt of the work and while I'm against that, I am good at being lazy so even though I disagree with the process, I'm good at it.
  3. Motivation: What I mean by this is that through laziness, I am motivated by procrastination. When things get down to the wire and need to be done, I can get them done. Much like a male lion chills out most of the time, he does what he really has to when the pride's survival is on the line.
  4. Agility: While I may not look the part, I'm quick when I need to be, some might even say I'm spry...just like a cat, or in this case, a lion!
  5. Roar: Something virtually no one knows about me is that I can roar like MoFo. I sound EXACTLY like a lion when I roar. It's crazy. But don't ask me to roar for you...cause I won't.
  6. Nocturnal: While lions aren't necessarily nocturnal like many animals, they are very nocturnal as am I. I like to go to bed late and wake up even later. It just works out. I'm not a morning person in the slightest.
  7. Chasing Down Animals: While I can't do it in human form, I like to try and chase down animals, though unsuccessfully. I think the fact that I LIKE to do this would make me a more effective lion.
  8. The Sun: Okay, so this one may not exactly apply to lions since they live in pretty warm places in Africa and are more inclined to lie in the shade. It does, however, apply to house cats in the US, so I'm calling that close enough. I, like cats, like to pick a place on the carpet where the sun is coming through and curl up and lie down. The sun is warm, the carpet is warm and life is good.

So Dear Readers, this is why I would make a great lion! Stay tuned very soon for more updates to the StuffRussiansLike blog as well as blogs about black beans, a trip to Volgograd, Easter (Пасха) and a few other things!

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