Sunday, February 27, 2011

Why the US Should Sell Idaho to Canada

Here is another post completely unrelated to Russia or anything I'm doing here, but one I kind of feel like writing.  This is an idea I've had in my back pocket for quite some time and decided I might as well start really fleshing out these ideas.  I've also been known to include North Dakota and Utah in this mix...for obvious reasons.  Anyways, here goes: 'Why the U.S. Should Sell Idaho to Canada'
  1. Money - The US has a huge deficit right now and we need money.  I'm not sure how much Idaho is worth (not much to be is Idaho), but I think it could be a nice starting to point to launch some sort of new reform; money to be spent on jobs, education, something. Bottom line: The US needs money, it doesn't need Idaho.
  2. Potatoes - I'm not sure if Idaho is still leading the nation in producing potatoes, but even if it isn't, it certainly has to be close.  Well, where do most Americans presumably eat potatoes? Fast food places. And if the US has to import more potatoes, it's possible the cost of importing might force fast food places to raise prices, making their meals slightly less affordable and thus forcing families to cook healthier meals at home and to become more creative and use ingredients they might not normally use (Jaime Oliver should LOVE this idea).

3. Landscape - As the song goes, America IS beautiful. We have extremely diverse ecosystems and landscapes from swamps in the South, low-lying mountains in the East, deserts in the American Southwest, towering, snow capped mountains in the West, a non-tropical rainforest, the Grand Canyon, gorgeous coastlines all around, Great Plains and I haven't even started on Alaska or Hawaii.  Point is, while Idaho does have some beautiful areas and landscapes, America has enough to more than make up for it.  Yes the Rocky Mountains pass through Idaho, but c'mon, let's face it. These are the crappier parts. Everyone knows the 'true' Rocky Mountains are in Colorado.  And is Canada going to care? No, they've got enough forests and mountains, a few more aren't going to hurt.  I mean I know Idaho is pretty. Lake Coeur d'Alene? Gorgeous. But I'd feel a lot better about going to Canada to see it instead of Idaho.  Also, if we want to go out and enjoy the terrain located within Idaho, then it's not like it's difficult for Americans to get into Canada. 

4.  Sarah Palin - She was born in Idaho and then eventually went to the University of Idaho. That's reason enough to get rid of this state.               

5.  Neo-Nazis - Anyone familiar with northern Idaho knows that there is a significant population of these neo-nazi d-bags roaming around, burning crosses, being racist and generally causing annoyance to everyone with half a brain.  Give them to Canada. They'll have less to complain about with fewer immigrant problems and people in the US won't have to worry about them as much.

6.  Borders - Let's face it. The central and western border between Canada and the US is pretty boring.  This bit of border is a man-made straight line. Lame. Who wants that? No one, that's who. We want some variety and if we throw Idaho into the mix, you'll really give it that variety.
      Then... Look at how much more exciting that border is now!!!!

7.  Vancouver, B.C. - It's possible (not likely, but possible) that by selling Idaho, Canada might be willing to part with Vancouver.  Sure, it's really their only Pacific port, but c'mon? What's Canada importing/exporting that it can't import/export to/from the US? Nothing, that's what.  So we lost Idaho, a boring state by all measures and gain Vancouver. An exceptionally beautiful city with lots of diversity and a generally fun and exciting place to be. We want Vancouver.

*Since Idaho is largely agrarian and Americans are fat and lazy and generally prefer to NOT do manual labor, such as farm work (and yes I include myself in all of that), we can assume that there is a large portion of immigrants, legal or otherwise, working on the farms in Idaho.  Therefore we could also assume that perhaps culturally, it might make more sense to sell Idaho to Mexico, however, I believe that this would escalate the illegal immigration problem and most certainly Mexico's serious and deadly drug wars, which would be regrettable indeed. So while it is an option, I still believe Canada is the better choice.

That, Dear Readers, is why we need to sell Idaho to Canada.

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